


Everything Has Changed

by danny1898



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:00:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28423614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danny1898/pseuds/danny1898
Summary: “Are you ever going to do something about it?” Shara’s comment snapped Jyn out of her thoughts.“About what?” she questioned not really seeing where her friend was going with it.“Don’t play dumb Jyn, it doesn’t suit you. I’m obviously talking about your crush!”
Relationships: Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso
Comments: 48
Kudos: 64
Collections: The RebelCaptain Network Secret Santa Exchange





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [VintageVulpes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VintageVulpes/gifts).



> For VintageVulpes for the rebelcaptain secret santa gift exchange.  
> This is the first part of your gift, I'll be posting chapters two and three the next two days.  
> It's going to be a wild ride as I tried to put everything you asked, starts a little happy but be sure it will get angsty.

“Are you ever going to do something about it?” Shara’s comment snapped Jyn out of her thoughts; it wasn’t rare to see her even a little dipsy, but normally Jyn was far too drunk to notice when that happened.

The silly chatter mixed with the music played by that group of rebels who somehow thought they could play music made the atmosphere of the made-up cantina a welcomed change to the normal quietness and seriousness of the rebel base.

“About what?” she questioned not really seeing where her friend was going with it. 

“Don’t play dumb Jyn, it doesn’t suit you. I’m obviously talking about your crush!” she exclaimed slightly slurring the last part. Both her excitement at the topic and the topic itself almost made Jyn spit her drink. 

“My what?” she had to ask making sure her voice hadn’t gotten a pitch higher than normal.

“Your crush? On Cassian? Our friend? The possible love of your life?” As Shara started to get louder with each question Jyn had to made shushing noises because for some reason she was worried someone else would hear their  _ tottally _ stupid conversation.

“I don’t have a crush Shara” she tried to explain gently through gritted teeth -although it didn’t come out as gently and quiet as she had wanted; she blamed the alcohol for it-

“Yeah, and I don’t like flying” the other woman replied shrugging.

Thus far it had been a totally pleasant conversation; centering mostly about missions and silly stuff that made them both laugh like idiots, but deep down Jyn knew Shara would touch this subjects sooner or later; it was what she had been dreading from the moment her friend had called it a  _ girl’s night out.  _

“Seriously Shara, I don’t know what you’re talking about” and of course she didn’t, she didn’t have a crush on Cassian, he was just her friend, and although she had earlier admitted she liked spending time with him and stupidly acknowledge he wasn’t so bad to look at, it didn’t mean anything. They were just friends, comrades, sometimes mission partners, but that was it, and she was completely fine with things the way they were. 

Ever since Scarif, her new found family of Rogue One had been a very appreciated constant in her life, but among all of them Cassian had always been the closest friendship she had. 

It had all been thanks to the mission to Scarif and the following weeks when they had been locked up in medbay, having been the two with the worst injuries after the mission. Of course Bodhi, Baze and Chirrut came by daily, but once they left and the whole base was asleep, they only had each other when the nightmares came or when their treatments were too much to handle alone. And even after medbay, they only separated when missions demanded it, but as long as they were both stationed, they could be found together more often than not alongside the rest of Rogue One. 

“Oh please! The whole base knows you are crazy for eachother, and honestly I really think you should go for it” the pilot explained gulping down the last of her drink and dropping her glass triumphantly on the cage that served as their table. 

“So now it turns out  _ everyone  _ but us knows about this apparent mutual attraction?” the question dripped sarcasm on every word

“Yes! there’s even a bet about it” 

“And you’re telling me so you can win?” Jyn hoped she could change or redirect the conversation, but Shara wasn’t backing down so easily 

“No. I already lost. I didn’t know you two would take this long.” she explained with such a defeated tone it was hard to not believe “In retrospective I didn’t take in consideration you are  _ both  _ very obtuse and emotionally unavailable. But seriously though, you should go for it”

“I won’t go for anything because I don’t want anything” 

“Oh, please. Stay in denial for as long as you like, but I’m right and I have proof”

“Proof?” 

“Evidence number one: You both only have 3 types of eyes for each other”

“You’re kidding me” she said and couldn’t content the humorless laugh that escaped her 

“No, really. Let’s see” Share started, seemingly concentrating on remembering “There are the we-are-on-a-mission eyes, reserved only for professional business of course” she put up one finger as she started listing the examples “Then there are your normal lovey-dovey eyes, and last but not least the I-wanna-screw-you-right-now eyes” 

“Shara!” Jyn could feel the blood rushing fast and effectively to her cheeks; thankfully Shara didn’t say anything about it.

“Oh please, even in a room full of people you only have eyes for each other” and in that exact moment Jyn was glad the band had started playing a really loud melody “Evidence number two: You both really have a thing for people getting in your personal space unless it’s the other one. Something amazing as you almost punched a dude last week just because he accidentally bumped shoulders with you and I don’t think I’ve ever seen Cassian touching another living being for anything more than a handshake.” 

Jyn pursed her lips, Shara was right, but she wasn’t going to tell her that. She was big enough to admit his presence was so familiar sometimes she didn’t even notice when they had gotten way too close for her normal liking. After sharing bed on more than one occasion in medbay, it was easy to let her guard down when he was around because she trusted him, and it sometimes scared her how easily it had happened.

“Evidence number three: you really like to spend time together.” and yet again, Shara was right, this Jyn hadn’t admitted out loud to her before, but she didn’t like how it was technically being thrown back at her “You voluntereed for a really stupid mission just seconds after someone mentioned Cassian was in, and he somehow manages to always make time for you even thought before he could pass days without leaving his room, all buriend in paperwork and missions. Heck remember even last week, he passed by during training just to see how you were doing! I’ve know him more time and I can’t remember a time when he demonstrated this much interest in another person”

“Fine, let’s for a few seconds  _ suppose  _ I like him, it won’t change anything because he doesn’t” All Shara’s examples were getting to Jyn. Fuck it, Shara and the rest of the fucking base were right, she had a crush, but that was the closest she would come to admiting it. 

“Didn’t you just listen to my examples? He does! He is really crazy for you. He might be a professional liar and whatever but you two act like love-sick teenagers around the other”

“You can’t be possibly sure he does!” 

“Oh, but I do! Come to think of it, I think everyone but  _ you _ knows. That’s why I’m being a good friend to you both and hurrying this so you don’t waste anymore time apart”

“But...”

“Really Jyn be honest, we’re friends, why can’t you admit you do like him and accept he likes you too and do something about it?” 

Shara’s caring gaze made Jyn shrink, she was still not used to people caring about her in any way, but Shara was being sincere.

It had been a long time since she had had people she cared about, let alone many at the same time, and she didn’t want to loose any of them over something as stupid as a crush. Because even with all the examples she still thought Shara was wrong about one thing: there was no way Cassian could be interested in her. She wasn’t anything special, why would he be interested? Telling him she had a crush could only possibly end in a ruined friendship. 

“Like I told you, I like the way things are. We are friends and I’m not going to risk that just because I might have caught feelings” 

“Again, you both caught them. I know going for something like this is scary, I was scared when I started having feelings for Kes, but in the end it is definitely worth it. Even if one of us dies tomorrow I wouldn’t change any of it.”

“I don’t want to screw it” and by that she meant she didn’t want to lose him too, but she had a feeling Shara understood. 

“I’m not saying it will for sure end in something good, but would you really prefer missing all the good things that could happen? Think about it this way; the universe gave you a second chance, you survivided something you shouldn’t have, both of you, are you really going to waste that opportunity?”

\-----

That night Jyn couldn’t sleep at all, the conversation she had had with Shara kept on replaying over and over again in her head, not letting her rest for even a minute.

She  _ did _ want to do something about it. The universe had given her a second chance after Scarif and she was going to take it.

Before she knew it she was dressed and ready for the day. 

As much as she tried playing it cool, she was in the hangar in less than five minutes, and that was taking the long path there. With each step she took she could feel her heart beating faster and faster, plus she was sure she was about to puke because her stomach was doing all sorts of funny movements. 

During her way to the hangar there were moments where she thought about turning back to her quarters, but a part of her she didn’t know kept her moving forward.

As soon as she entered the big opened space she spotted him easily. His back was turned towards her, seemingly checking something inside the U-Wing he was taking for this mission, and Kay was nowhere to be seen. Perfect.

“Hi” she said a few steps before reaching him announcing her presence. 

“Hey!” he replied and turned to meet her with a smile that made her stomach turn and her cheeks slightly blush “What are you doing here so early?” It was a fair question because they both knew he was the early bird and she tended to be the night owl.

“I’ve got training in about an hour and wanted to wish you good luck on your mission” standing there in the middle of the hangar she couldn’t help but remember that one time months ago when they had been in almost the same place, back when he had welcomed her home and it had totally felt that way. The thought spurred her on, she was going to do it, she didn't know how, but she wasn’t leaving.

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that” 

“I wanted to” 

“It’s a short mission, won’t take longer than a standard week” 

“That’s nice” 

“Is everything okay?” he asked with a slightly worried expression.

“What? Oh, yeah everything’s fine” she didn’t know how to do it, it had sounded easier to do in her mind. 

“You’re sure?”

“Yes I just wanted to wish you good luck”

“Thanks” 

In a moment of boldness she took the last step between them, closing the remaining distance, she grabbed the collar of his parka and pulled him down towards her, crashing their lips in a kiss he eagerly returned. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year to everyone!   
> And to celebrate here comes the angst.   
> Enjoy

The moment their lips touched, Casian was lost. 

To say Jyn had totally caught him off guard was to say the least. And even though he didn’t like to admit it out loud, or even to himself, he had realized that somehow one of the only few people who could manage to do that was her. 

The firm grip she had on the collar of his parka eventually loosened, and her hands traveled to tangle on his hair; meanwhile his arms instinctively found their way around her waist closing any space left between them. He didn’t know how much time had passed, for all he knew they'd been kissing for years, and honestly he wouldn’t have cared. However, the real world didn’t stop, and he still had a mission to go to. 

“Oh no” Kay's voice sounded from somewhere to his left, the interruption bringing them back to reality. Jyn immediately turned to send a dead glare on Kay’s way

“Hi Kay” she greeted him and Kay decided to completely ignore her existence for the time being.

“Cassian, the ship is ready for departure” 

“I’m going Kay” he said because Kay wasn’t going to leave them alone so easy

“We have to leave now if we want to be on schedule for the rest of the mission”

“I know Kay, I’m going. Get the ship started, I’ll go in a few seconds” he was glad Kay didn’t put up much of a fight and left to do as he was asked to, a novelty Cassian wasn’t going to question. 

Being left alone with Jyn once again reminded him they had a lot to talk about, but that’ll have to wait for after the mission. 

“Sorry, I…” he had started to say, but Jyn understood and finished his own apology 

“You have to go”

“I have to go”

“May the force be with you” Jyn stood on her tiptoes to give him a quick peck on the lips, this time not waiting for a response and turning around to leave getting lost in the flood of people present in the hangar. 

Not wasting anymore time, Cassian went inside the ship to finally take off. 

“I saw her approach, and I hid.” Kay stated as soon as Cassian had taken his place in the copilot’s seat. It wasn’t a surprise, Cassian knew his friend well enough to have expected this talk. “I didn’t want to be part of any conversation, but then you started taking too long”

“I’m sorry Kay, now I’m here. Let’s go” 

For the time being they concentrated on the take off, but as soon as they had entered hyperspace the silence didn’t last. 

“Are you and Jyn Erso a couple now?” 

“It was just a kiss Kay. We didn’t exactly have time to discuss it” Cassian answered and it was the truth, they would talk but right now he couldn’t make any assumptions.

“Are you discussing it when we get back?” 

“I don’t know Kay, most likely, but  _ that _ it’s none of your business”

They stayed in silence until Kay spoke again.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea” it wasn’t such a surprise Kay wasn’t happy with what had happened, Cassian knew it had to do with Kay’s own really rare way of caring for him, but it didn’t make it completely right Kay was going the extra mile to make him see how bad the idea was. (His brain had already supplied a lot of ideas why it wasn’t the right choice)

“Kay” 

“The probability of failure it’s high”

\---------

The mission hadn’t gone the way it was planned; a simple meeting with a contact ended up with Cassian running away from a patrol of stormtroopers and his contact lying lifeless on the ground of the market. 

Thankfully, he had made it safely back to the ship and Kay had taken off as soon as possible.

It was the fourth contact he had lost in the past two months. 

Following the destruction of the Death Star the Empire had started enforcing more severe rules to stop any uprisings. With each day more and more planets got invaded with patrols, and if that wasn’t enough, there was a new very handsome reward for anyone who could offer any information about the whereabouts of any rebel cell.

After making sure they had avoided any Empire ships on their way out of the planet, Cassian left to get some sleep. With the mission compromised, there was no use in staying away.

With how exhausted Cassian was feeling, he really thought he would sleep for the whole eight hours it would take them to return to the base. But his brain had other plans. 

The moment his head hit the pillow all traces of sleep faded away, much to his delight, and with all the free time he couldn’t stop overthinking about a lot of things, most especially what had happened with Jyn in the hangar.

He still couldn’t believe they had kissed. Of course more than once he had slightly wondered what would happen if he could work the courage to kiss her, and even went as far as to imagine the whole kiss. Still, he wasn’t prepared for the reality of it, no matter how much he could have imagined it, there was no comparison to the reality. 

It had happened since Jedha  _ -his crush- _ he realised once he had given it a second thought, and ever since then he knew he was a goner. 

Admittedly at the beginning he had no interest whatsoever in her, she was just part of a mission and even though she was attractive she was a pain in the ass, and he hadn’t been that happy to be in charge of her not screwing up the mission, but then thing changed in Jedha. It wasn’t until then when he had started seeing the real Jyn, not the version she tried desperately to present to the outside world. He knew the caring Jyn who would risk her life to get a poor little girl out of the middle of the battlefield, the Jyn who cried when she found out her dad was still alive and carried on his mission after seeing him die, the Jyn who stood in front of a room full of people and fought to make them see the importance of going to Scarif, the Jyn who later disobeyed orders and motivated a small army to go fight against the Empire, the Jyn who was by his side after they miraculously survived and had to spend weeks in medbay recovering, the Jyn who in a really small period of time became one of his best friends and a really important person in his life. 

He had fooled himself for the most part saying it was just admiration, but once Kay had started to mention how awkward he tended to be around her, and how often he showed signs of attraction (everything from blushing to a raised heartbeat) he came to terms with having a  _ small  _ crush.

Still, even realizing how he truly felt, he had never planned on doing something about it.

They weren’t ordinary people living an ordinary life in this messed up galaxy. They were soldiers in the middle of a war that was tearing the whole galaxy apart. 

Plus, he highly doubted she truly felt the same.

Sure, she had kissed him first, but most likely she was just confused. He had seen it happen before. People formed bonds after pretty traumatizing missions, and Scarif had been one of the most traumatizing ones he had ever heard about or taken part of, they had almost died together and then spent a lot of time together while healing, it was normal people could get confusing feelings in those situations. A lot had happened in a really short time (especially for her) and she just thought she knew what she wanted, but the feeling would eventually pass.

If that wasn’t enough evidence to avoid anything, in reality they hadn’t known each other so long. During their stay at medbay they  _ had _ talked; she told him little stories from when she ended up on the streets after Saw abandoned her and he had gone as far as to tell her about his long dead family (all thanks to a particular bad nightmare he had), but she didn’t know the rest. She didn’t know and hopefully would never know about all the awful things he had done in the name of the greater good; he wasn’t a nice person, and she totally deserved better than him, someone who didn’t have so much blood in his hand. 

No matter how much he would love for their relationship to be more than just friendship, he was happy if it was only that, he wasn’t going to risk it taking advantage of Jyn’s confused feelings, she would eventually let it go and she could find someone who truly deserves someone amazing like her. 

It was for the best, even if Jyn didn’t see it right away.

……..

The day he returned from the mission happened to be a very busy one. As soon as he had landed he was being rushed into a four-hour-long meeting, and after that the amount of paperwork he had to do guaranteed he would be up all night working.

He wasn’t avoiding Jyn, he just had to work. And when there was a knock on his door hours later he could only guess who it was. This conversation had to happen sooner or later, and the sooner he got it over with she could move on. 

“Hey” she happily greeted him when he opened the door.

“Hey” he said stepping aside so she could come inside. She was carrying a tray she must have stolen from the mess hall, and it was full with what he guessed was tonight’s dinner 

“I haven’t seen you since you landed” 

“Sorry, I rushed into a briefing”

“It’s okay. Kay said something about you having to finnish a report so… I brought you dinner” she offered him the tray she had been carrying. 

“Thanks” 

As he put the tray on his desk she stayed standing in the middle of the room, gently rocking on her heels unsure on what to do next. unsure on where to stand or what to do. 

He wondered if the awkwardness was due to the kiss or if she had a gut feeling of what was coming. 

“How did your mission go?” she asked as another try of small talk, when he didn’t say anything.

“Good. I can’t say more because…”

“I know, I know, classified” she said dismissing her own question.

It was obvious she didn’t know how to address the elephant in the room, and he decided to get over with it already. The sooner he ripped the bandaid off, the sooner she could see it was for the better.

“About before..” 

“Yeah?” and for a moment the way her eyes brightened up made him want to not say anything at all and just kiss her again, but this was for the best, he remembered himself, the best for both of them (especially her), he couldn’t be so selfish taking advantage of the situation and acting like their relationship could work, no matter how much he would have loved for it to. 

“I’m sorry I gave you the wrong impression.” he started saying, her eyebrows furrowed still not understanding where he was going with it “I shouldn’t have kissed you back, you caught off guard and I… I don’t like you that way” he should have felt relief at finally saying out loud, but he could only feel the lump in his throat forming, and something in his chest hurting when the spark disappeared from her eyes after the words sank in. 

“Oh” it was all she could say diverting her gaze to the floor “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have...”

“Don’t be. It was a mistake” even if this was necessary he still hated seeing her sand, moreover because he was the one causing it. He wanted to assure her or say something for the pain to be less “I’ve seen it happen before. People who worked closely and shared a traumatic experience can develop feelings after it, and Scariff was… well you know how bad it was. But it eventually fades away” 

“Yeah, must be that” she answered, her frame looking slightly smaller than normal 

“It’s not because you’re not pretty, of course you’re, it’s just...” 

“Don’t worry Cassian I get it” she interrupted him and crossed her arms over her chest, still avoiding eye contact. 

“We don’t have to do anything about it. We can pretend it never happened” he offered, because even though they couldn’t be together he didn’t want their friendship to end. 

“Sure” 

“I have to get back to work. See you tomorrow at breakfast?”

“Yeah, sorry for interrupting. Goodnight” she didn’t wait for him to say anything else and walked past him on her way to the door, leaving without taking a glance back.

Watching her leave, he had to stop himself from going after her and to fix everything.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again. So… I only had planned three chapters but this turned out to be longer than expected and I decided to split it up. Next (and final) chapter will be up in a few days :).  
> Thanks for all the kudos, comments and love in general.

Jyn was glad she didn’t encounter any people on her way back to her room, because halfway there she couldn’t stop the first tears from escaping. She furiously wiped them away, hurrying her steps because her vision had started to become blurry against her own will.

She wanted to punch something, preferably someone, and curl up to cry at the same time.

The anxiousness and nervousness she had felt on the way to Cassian’s room were now replaced with something in her chest that hurt, a lump in her throat that made it hard to swallow and an urge to start a fight with the first person who crossed her path and dared to comment something stupid about the tears running down her cheeks. 

She was an idiot, how could she have listened to Shara?, even worse, listened to drunk Shara. Of course she was wrong, how could Cassian be interested in her? He had made it perfectly clear it was all in her head; a result of a shared intense trauma could mess with your mind, he had said. But she knew it wasn’t just a silly battle-born crush, at least not for her. 

If him practically telling her he couldn’t have any interest in her wasn’t enough for one night, he also had to suggest they could pretend it had never happened. 

It hurt how easy it was for him to erase a memory of her from his life. It at least served as a reminder of how expendable and non-important she was to him and how she was foolish to expect more than comradery; Saw had warned her of attachments, and after he left her she had taken said warning to heart, but ever since staying in the Alliance she had totally neglected it, thriving in the safety of her newfound family of Rogue One and few others.

Maybe it was truly for the best. She had needed the reminder as hurtful as it was, and if Cassian wanted to pretend nothing had happened, she could do that. 

\-----

It didn’t take Cassian that long to realize keeping his friendship with Jyn wasn’t going to happen. He had been aware from the beginning it was a very plausible possibility that would happen, he had really hoped they could work it out, but he also knew Jyn tended to lash out and run away from trouble and emotions as her first instinct. 

Ever since that day, Jyn somehow managed to avoid him at all costs, even going the extra mile to do so; she no longer had breakfast or dinner with the crew, or at least, not while he was present; and she still frequented the cantina but always managed to avoid when he went or left with an excuse as soon as she saw him enter.

Worst of all, he couldn’t really blame her. She had all the right to be mad at him and not talk to him for the rest of their lives if she wished to. 

It didn’t make it hurt any less.

He thought he would get over it easily, or at least not give it that much of a toughth, but he was tremendously wrong; his brain liked to remind him how there was no one keeping him company on his latest appointment in medbay, how no one was waiting for him in the hangar after he had returned from his latest mission, and how there were no more surprise visits to his quarters just to spend time together between missions.

Her absence had hurt more than he thought it would. 

Bodhi, Baze and Chirrut noticed something was wrong by the end of the first week, although no one had said anything until later when Bodhi questioned him during dinner. 

“Have you talked to Jyn?” 

“No. Why?” Cassian questioned; faking indifference was easier than telling the whole truth.

“I’m worried” 

“Why?” he pressed a little bit harder than intended, the fact Jyn did something that worried Bodhi enough to voice it was alarming. 

“We were talking the other day and she said something about leaving” 

Cassian finished his dinner quickly and left Bodhi alone at the table forgetting all about comforting his friend.

The next week he had to throw himself in all the work he could to stop himself from thinking about what Bodhi had told him. If Jyn decided leaving was the better choice for her she should go and take it; it was solely her choice and there was nothing he could do about it.

If thinking about Jyn leaving was bad, nothing could have prepared him for something ten times worse.

He had been caught up in the middle of a meeting when a soldier came barging in. All eyes turned to the incomer who desperately started narrating what had happened; the pathfinders had just returned, but their mission had been compromised. An ambush had sent more than half of them to medbay with injuries ranging from mere cuts to live threatening ones. There were even two who hadn’t made it back to base.

Cassian didn’t even register if the meeting had continued or if someone had called his name to make him stay, he would find out later and at the moment he couldn’t care less.

In all the sea of people occupying the outside of medbay he found his friends; Bodhi was sitting on the floor, glase focused on some far wall not registering his presence; Chirrut was standing beside him, repeating some old prayer over and over again; and Baze was pacing back and forth in the small hallway, he was the one who turned to inform him of the situation when he arrived.

“They just rushed her into surgery, she got shot, they said it was very bad” Baze explained, and watching the ever confident guardian acting somber and even a little bit defeated didn’t help at all to calm down the awful feeling in his gut.

The four of them stayed put in their spots, watching as people came and went with zero information of Jyn until two very long and stressful hours later when a doctor approached them. She informed them Jyn was out of surgery but had just been taken to her first of three scheduled bacta tank sessions.

Just knowing Jyn was alive and out of surgery took a weight off his shoulders he didn’t know was there; he could breath easily again and something small that felt like hope made his chest warm up. 

He knew there were still risks, the doctor had told them there could be complications, but the worst part was over, and he thanked the Force for it.

Even with Jyn out of surgery the four of them refused to leave until they had a chance to see her even if she was still dozed off. 

Waiting a little more gave them enough time to organize what to do; they had decided to take shifts making sure she always had at least someone by her side for anything she needed until she could at least leave medbay. Cassian dreaded her reaction at seeing him there, but didn’t hesitate for even a moment when enlisting in the group’s plan. She had been there for him when he needed help in therapy sessions and he wasn’t going to leave her when she had almost died, if she wanted to kick him out once she was awake he wouldn’t complain, but until that happened he wasn’t going to leave willingly.

Once Jyn was finally moved to her own room it took them seconds to get there. He let Baze, Bodhi and Chirrut go in first as he was going to stay, having offered to take the first turn watching Jyn while they went to get some food or catch some sleep.

Baze was the first one to leave her room, looking less tense than before; followed closely by Chirrut who stopped beside Cassian on his way out.

“She’s strong” he spoke with certainty, and although it sounded more like an out loud thought Cassian knew it was meant to calm him down. He appreciated the effort. 

Bodhi left last, sniffing and avoiding eye contact on his way out, but promising to return in six hours. 

Standing in the entrance of the room the sight that welcomed Cassian made his heart stop for a brief second.

Jyn was still sleeping, she looked rather peaceful despite the ordeal she just went through, she did look paler, and the variety of wires and tubes connecting her to all the medical equipment couldn’t be painless. At least she was breathing on her own; it was a small but definitely important win. 

The doctor had said she was lucky the shot hadn’t been higher, because it would have gotten her right on her heart. She would have died before her team even got the chance to take her back to the ship.

Jyn could have died, in fact, she almost had.

Only thinking about it was enough for the tears he had been holding back to finally escape. 

Without knowing how, he had reached her bedside and had moved the only chair in the room closer to the bed. He took her hand in his and gently intertwined their fingers; the warmth of it was a comforting feeling. 

“If you want to leave it’s okay, but not like this” he muttered as more tears slowly trailed down his cheeks, and hoped that somehow she could hear him. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… guess what? There’s going to be a final really small chapter coming up in the next few days. And I promise that’ll be all, but I got too over excited with this.  
> By the way, the fic’s title was taken from the song “Everything has changed” by Taylor Swift (the one with Ed Sheeran) If you want, you should go listen to it before reading this.  
> Also, special thanks to dasakuryo for beta reading this. :) (Gracias!!):) :)

All six hours before Bodhi returned, Cassian stayed awake, not once leaving Jyn’s bedside. His eyes were practically glued to the machines that monitored her vitals, afraid that they would take a turn for the worse any second. Thankfully, it never happened.

When Bodhi arrived he had to practically kick him out of the room arguing he had to at least get some food and rest before coming back, and Cassian didn’t stay to argue. 

When he returned later, he would find out Jyn had woken up a few hours after he had left, only managing to stay awake around thirty minutes, before settling back again into a peaceful sleep. She had her next bacta tank 24 standard hours after, and again the four of them stayed outside medbay until she was returned to her room.

The next two days went with little change, with Jyn still too weak just waking up every few hours to take some water and a little food, only to fall asleep right away. On two occasions it had happened while he was there; one time alongside Bodhi, and the next one alone. She wasn’t exactly happy to see him there, but didn’t make any comment or attempt to kick him out  — she had even willingly accepted his help when it was his turn to stay and keep an eye on her.

Spending all that time again with Jyn, after they hadn’t even been in the same room for the past weeks and even with her asleep most of the time served as a reminder that no matter what they had promised there was no way things could be the same. They could pretend, for their sake and the sake of their friends, but deep down it was plainly obvious things would never be remotely the same.

He had come to terms with that,  _ really. _

He was obviously delighted she was doing alright and would be up and running to missions in a few weeks, but he had already made peace with the fact Jyn might follow her previous idea of leaving the Rebellion, meaning he would most likely never see her again. As much as it would hurt, if she thought that was the best for her there was nothing he could do to stop her. 

It would be okay, he would recover, eventually.

If it came down to that, he would have truly let her leave without saying anything else, or at least, that had been his plan until Chirrut came along and completely changed his future plans for the now non-existing friendship/relationship thing he had with Jyn.

It all happened one day when Jyn somehow talked Bodhi and Baze into a friendly non-profit game of sabacc, against all medbay regulations. Seeing there was no point in staying there, he was about to leave when Chirrut stopped him on his way out, blackmailing him into accompanying him to the mess hall.

From that moment he knew the guardian was up to something, and around ten minutes into their conversation Cassian realized why Chirrut had put him aside for a talk.

“I’ve been sensing some trouble in you since a few weeks ago, Captain. Is there something you want to talk about?” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Chirrut” he replied quickly, diverting his full attention to the plate of food in front of him.

“Remember when I told you I sensed that you carried your prison wherever you went?” Cassian  _ did _ remember vividly their time in Saw’s prison. He hadn’t liked the way a total stranger talked about him as if they had known each other for ages, and he hadn’t liked the fact he seemed to be able to see all his secrets either. 

“Yes” 

“I believe you’re letting yourself get lost in it, more so than usual” Cassian narrowed his eyes and waited patiently for the other man to continue “And I  _ also _ believe it has to do with Jyn” 

And there it was. He didn’t know how much time Chirrut had planned for this talk, but he knew it couldn’t be a coincidence, nothing the guardian ever did seemed to be a coincidence. 

“Are you going to tell me what happened or do I have to keep on guessing all of it?” 

Cassian let out a defeated sigh. No matter how much he didn't want to have this talk, he now acknowledged how fruitless it would be trying to escape it.

“We kissed,” he simply explained, not wanting to elaborate on any more details.

“But you aren’t talking” it was more of a comment than a question, but he still answered.

“No” by now, both of their meals laid entirely forgotten, their whole focus on the conversation at hand.

“Why?”

“I told her it had been a mistake, that I wasn’t interested in her that way” again, he opted for the easy way out, explaining what was necessary, disclosing as little information as he possibly could.

“And was that true?”

“Why do you care about this?” he questioned back instead of answering.

“I care about both of you. And you _ both _ seem troubled”

“I don’t know  _ why _ you want me to answer _ that _ because something tells me you already know” because seriously, it was as if Chirrut could read minds sometimes. 

“Maybe,” Chirrut shrugged “But, how can I be sure?” 

Cassian’s shoulders dropped, his only exit was apparently admitting everything that had happened. 

“It wasn’t true” 

“And why did you tell her otherwise?”

“Because it was for the best”

“The best for you?”

“The best for her” he retorted quickly, because if there was something he knew for sure about himself was that he was not a selfish person, much less when it came to Jyn.

“Why is breaking her heart the best for her?” 

“Because she deserves better.”

Chirrut didn’t say anything for a few seconds, seamingly meditating on what to say next.

“Sometimes, we have a misconceived perception of ourselves” whatever Cassian had thought Chirrut would say, it wasn’t that “As I was telling you, I think you’re letting yourself get lost in your prison” 

Now it made sense why he had mentioned the prison before. 

“Who do you think would be better?”

“Maybe someone who doesn’t have so much blood on his hands? Someone who doesn’t follow orders to hurt people without a second thought? someone who hasn’t spent most of his life fighting?” and he could continue to number all the reasons Jyn should even hate him, but Chirrut interrupted him before he had the chance.

“And don’t you think she does know what you have or haven’t done?”

“I think she can guess most of it,” because even though he had never told her in detail the worst things he had done, she sometimes had come to imply she understood. After all, he had admitted a lot of it back in the hangar before they left for Scarif.

“And yet she still likes you, doesn’t she?”

“Apparently, but  — ”

“I believe that if there’s someone who could understand the things you’ve done for whatever reason you had to do them, it would be Jyn” Chirrut explained with a kind smile. “You might be forgetting you _ both _ are not so different in that regard.” 

To an extent it was true, Jyn had already told him stories of the years after Saw abandoned her, and he had never judged her for her actions, she was just trying to survive in a pretty unkind galaxy. The difference was that the things he did most of the time weren’t for his own personal survival, but for the survival of the Rebellion. 

And yet  _ somehow _ Jyn still thought he was a decent enough person to hang out with. 

“I guess you’re right,” Cassian said after pondering upon the information for a while; not at all defeated, but clearly seeing things from a new perspective. He wasn’t going to lie and say he still didn’t think Jyn deserved better, but the conversation had given him a new hopeful thought that things could work out between them.

“Of course I’m right,” Chirrut replaide, not hiding even a bit the happiness of being proven right. “Remember captain, we are our own worst enemies a lot of times”

“I think I have to apologize” 

He had been a total jerk and he hoped he could still fix things. Even if she -with very reason- had no interest in anything, he just needed her to know the truth, because she had almost died thinking he had zero interest in her, when in fact it was the total opposite. And know she could leave, thinking just the same. He wasn’t going to let that happen.

“Yes, you do” Chirrut continued drinking his previously neglected tea, now most likely cold, but he didn’t seem to care. 

Cassian was no longer hungry, already thinking on how to fix everything. He couldn’t just go and bother her right now, she still needed to heal, and that gave him enough time to get his thoughts in order. 

“Thanks Chirrut” he told his friend sincerely; even though at the beginning he was really searching for any opportunity to avoid the conversation, he was now glad they had had it. 

“No problem captain, I’m glad this talk served its purpose”

\------

Jyn was done with being sick, done with being in medbay, and done with feeling like a speeder just ran over her. At least now she could go back to her own quarters. Her assigned roommate was absent on a mission off-world, so she had the whole room to herself for at least a few days. 

For once in almost an entire week she wanted to be completely left alone; she appreciated the attention her well-intended-friends had been giving her, not once leaving her side during her whole medbay recovery, but she needed time to rest, all by herself  — with no condescending faces, or tries at small-talk, or Cassian being there as if they were the best of friends.

She needed to rest for real.

And she managed to do so for two days straight. At her request everyone had left her alone, only coming over to bring her food, and she only left her quarters for the communal refreshers every once in a while. Unfortunately, it all changed the third day when there was a knock on her door.

She thought it was most likely Bodhi coming to bring her dinner or trying to persuade her to leave her room for the mess hall this time, again. 

Unluckily, she was wrong.

“Agh, I’m coming” she shouted so she could be heard through the durasteel door. 

When she opened it, the last person she expected to see standing there in the hallway was Cassian, weirdly looking as unsure and fidgety as she had ever seen him.

“Hi. I...” he had started to say, but she went ahead and interrupted him before he could continue.

“Bodhi sent you didn’t he? Agh, tell him I’m not feeling up for going to the mess hall. I’ll eat here” she explained quickly, so she wouldn’t have to spend more time alone with him. 

Those awkward days in medbay had been enough awkwardness for a full year.

“That’s not why I came here,” he replied softly.

“Oh?” she wasn’t by any means surprised, she knew he would want to talk after medbay and everything that had happened between them. But she wasn’t up to hear again more excuses for why they should only be friends.

“Can I come in?” 

“Look, I’m tired, and I still feel like I got run over by a speeder, can it wait?”

“Please, It’ll be quick” and damn her, she should be over it by now, but one pleading look with his eyes and she was a goner.

“Fine” she stepped aside to let him in, the door closing automatically behind him.

She watched him carefully as he took a quick look around the room, unsure on where to step. Seeing him so insecure in contrast to his normal demeanor, was funny to an extent. If they were still close she would have teased him about it.

“I’m sorry about before”

“About what?” she had to ask, truly not knowing what he was apologizing for. 

“About telling you I didn’t like you” he explained shifting on his feet and rubbing the back of his neck. “What I said, it wasn’t true. I do like you. A lot”

If Jyn felt her heart beat faster and a weird amount of excitement at the confession she hoped she hadn’t shown it, concentrating on putting on her best poker face. 

”Then why did you say you didn’t?” now she was even more confused, and she tried to focus on that rather than the out-of-nowhere small wave of happiness she was feeling at the confession.

“I thought it was for the best.” 

“The best for whom?” 

“You...” he replied trailing off a little bit, apparently not sure of how she would take the confession. Smart man, because as soon as she got what he meant she wanted to punch him square in the face.

“What?!” she exclaimed, practically demanding the answer. The previous feelings of happiness and excitement were rapidly overshadowed by pure anger and annoyance.

“I _ know _ it was stupid, but I truly thought it was for the best, and of course it wasn’t. I get if you’re still mad at me after this, but I just wanted you to know that” he explained, putting his arms up in surrender at seeing her ready to punch him.

“Cassian what the fuck?” she demanded again, pitching the bridge of her nose, still not believing how dumb this was. It wasn’t at all a question, but her mind truly voicing her thoughts. 

“I’m sorry” he apologized again looking truly sincere about it as the last time. It did make her feel just a little bit less mad at him for being an idiot, but not enough to spare him her thoughts on his stupidity.

“Honestly” she said wrapping her mind around one of the many ideas she had to argue “Who the frick do you think you are to decide that?” 

“I know. You’re right. I shouldn’t have done it”

“Of course you shouldn’t have!” she still wanted to give him a piece of her mind “I truly don’t know why you think it was for the best, but we could have talked about it. Instead you decided to evade me at all costs, and then make me feel like it was all in my  _ apparently _ traumatized mind!”

“I know. I’m an idiot. I really can’t defend myself on that. You’re right, we should have talked about it, and I shouldn’t have decided for both of us. I’m sorry”

She had been ready to argue as much as necessary, she had wanted to even make him suffer, even if just for a little bit in return, but what was there to do when he was accepting of being a complete idiot and apologizing? 

“Why did you even think it was for the best?” she asked crossing her arms over her chest, the anger slowly slipping away, but she was not ready to let her guard down just yet. Maybe if she knew his reasons it would help solve this. Force knows she had had own doubts about telling him, after all, that’s why she had taken so long in doing something, and why she had needed the extra push to finally do it. 

Cassian seemed to think on what to say for a few seconds, first opening his mouth but no words came out until he decided on where to start. “I thought…, well I still think you deserve someone better”

“Better?” she repeated, not wanting to wrongly guess the meaning of the word for him. 

“You know I’ve done some bad stuff, I told you as much back before leaving for Scarif, and I truly think you deserve someone who hasn’t done a very large amount of very questionable stuff, and who is not so traumatized about it” he explained, on occasions dropping down his gaze avoiding eye contact. 

Jyn did know he had done some bad stuff, heck she had done some too to survive, and it had never made her think less of him, not even on Eadu after he almost killed her father. She knew the reasons for why he did them, it had only made her see he would do anything for the greater good, even if it meant taking the fall for all of it. She also suspected he tended to give himself a hard time about his actions, he had never talked about it out loud, but his nightmares weren’t only about Scarif, most of the times they were about missions and people and places she never knew, and never asked about.

“I mean I don’t truly know all the details, but I can guess. What I  _ do _ know is that you did all those things because it was for the greater good. You didn’t do them only because you could or wanted, that’s a big difference in my opinion” she explained, wanting anyways to reassure him in some way. She offered a kind smile she hoped could fix everything “And I’ve done some pretty bad stuff too, so I get what it does to you. How even though it was for the best, you keep believing there was a better way, but most of the time there wasn’t.” 

After all, they were living in a pretty awful galaxy that only seemed to want to rip everything apart and make everyone suffer. Jyn truly thought only a few people were lucky enough to not have to literally survive every day. Lucky bastards. “So..yeah. I don’t think you’re a bad person Cassian” 

Her confession did make him smile, and Jyn was too proud of herself for being the one that made it happen.

“I know I’ve said this many times in the past minutes, but I’m really sorry. And if you still want, maybe we can try ….this. You know what I mean“ he said, still with that smile Jyn really thought suited him, and with something she thought was hope in his eyes.

“I want to try” she took one step forward, closing some of the space between them. Whatever it was they would try, she was up for it.

Jyn didn’t know who took the last step that finally brought them closer enough to kiss, but was definitely too happy to care. They were finally kissing again, and it was as good or even better than last time. This time Cassian was fully kissing her back, and the way his arms wrapped around her waist and her hand went to his hair pulling him closer killing any space left between them. She was sure they would have kept on kissing if they could, but they had to momentarily come apart to catch some air.

The kiss was so extremely good she even felt a little bit dizzy, and both joy and nervousness washed over her. Through all of that, she still wanted to tell him before they could continue making out. Somehow, it felt right to share that with him.

“You know why I didn’t want to say anything either? Because I was scared, I was freakishly scared it would ruin our friendship, and I thought being just friends was enough if it meant you wouldn’t leave... but I wanted to give it a try because even thought it’s fucking scary that one of us might die anyday, it would be worse if we die wondering what could have been” she explained, and the confession made their current situation more meaningful. 

“I’m glad you kissed me, because I don’t think I would have ever done it first and you’re right I think guessing what could have been is worse” 

“I’m glad I kissed you too” 

They were both grinning like idiots, and it was all Jyn could wait before sealing her lips to his once again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! Finally the last chapter. It’s more like a small epilogue, but still felt right to add. Thank you all for the love you gave this fic, and I really hoped you enjoyed it. 
> 
> Also special thanks to the lovely VintageVulpes who submitted the prompt that made this fic happen. Hope it had everything you had asked for. <3

K2-SO was glad Jyn Erso had finally made a full recovery from her previous sustained injuries. 

Not because he cared about her, not at all, but because it meant she could stop being a nuisance to everyone around her. Him included.

Or at least, that’s what he had calculated would happen.

It had been a perfectly reasonable thing to assume that once she could be able to look after herself there wouldn’t be any more need for Cassian to waste time making sure she was okay. And if he could stop spending so much time with her and return to his normal routine, it would make Kay’s life so much easier. 

Insted, things remained the same.

And once again, K2-SO found himself in front of Cassian’s quarters to remind him of the report he had to turn in today. Because there was no way he would let his friend miss another deadline. 

When he opened the door his vision easily adjusted to the darkness of the room, and if he could be surprised, he reasoned he would have been.

The chances of finding Cassian with Jyn Erso both very naked trying to desperately cover themselves with a blanket were close to zero.

“Kay!” Cassian screamed, rolling to one side of the bed making sure the blanket was covering everything it needed to cover.

“Haven’t you heard of knocking before entering a room?!” Jyn exclaimed from her spot on the bed, as she tightly hugged the blanket close to her chest.

As odd as the discovery was, it at least served to explain Cassian’s recent interest in spending more time with his fellow comrade even if she no longer required his help. 

“Cassian, you have to finish the report on yesterday’s mission” he informed the captain, for the meantime ignoring the extra presence in the room.

“I know. I’ll get it done before dinner, don’t worry about it” he tried to explain, propping himself up on one elbow to be able to look at Kay. 

“You have to hand it over today” 

“Kay, I know. I promise I’ll get it done, really. Can you leave now?” The question came through gritted teeth, and as much as Kay understood he sometimes got on his friend’s nerve, he didn’t understand the reason for his annoyance at the moment. But then again, this situation was entirely new. 

“Okay,” 

He knew there was nothing else to be done, but a thought came to his circuits and he just had to know what to expect in the near future after this new discovery.

“Cassian?” he asked and won more glares, this time, from both humans.

“Yes, Kay?” with apparently more patience than what the glare suggested.

“Are you and Jyn Erso a couple now?” The question made Jyn’s glare turn into a questioning look directed at Cassian. For his part, he only let out a long breath of possibly defeat before answering.

“Yes Kay, we’re a couple”

For a few seconds, he stayed motionless processing how this new relationship could affect him. If Jyn had been a rather difficult person to avoid before, he was sure it would be even harder to do so now.

“Is this going to happen on a daily basis?”

“Bye Kay!” both shouted, and Kay didn’t want to stay and see more awful scenes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fin.


End file.
